June 2010-May 2012
The best worst time period I can remember: Two failed relationships, lost job of 5 years, moved away from my hometown again cause I couldn't find work, three cars died...blah, blah, woe, blah...blast-off! Lessons learned, new city, new people, new me. I'm not that different from the way I was, but now I am more aware of my negative tendencies. I'm paying attention to how my actions affect others, while at the same time learning how to not let others negative tendencies affect me. I'm not out of the woods by any stretch, but I keep facing everything with a confident smile and consistent resolve. I have a whole city to conquer! I have come to terms with so many things, one of them being that the simple life is not one that i desire. The ceiling is too low in that house with the white picket fence. I'm not saying that I don't want to raise a family or share my life with someone great...I simply refuse to have it be an either/or situation. If a woman steps up and wants to ride with me. Awesome. But I'm not holding my breath. One of the deepest insights that I've gained over the last few years is that when dealing with people, I must maintain my own interests, without involving them or needing anything from them. Also, when I give of myself to others it can't be to my detriment... I support because I can, not because I must. Giving not self destructive sacrificing. Over the top of that, I have woven some simple surface character traits into my daily life: avoiding complaining, not talking so much right when I wake up, not talking so loudly (really hard), remaining positive without being annoyingly so. I am building the inner confidence and poise to eliminate impatience, frustration, and ill-temperment (which I feel are all connected together--one leads to another)---it's an everyday goal.
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