Hello Everything!

"I don't know what today is going to bring, but I do know that I will conduct myself with class, integrity, and respect." 

 

Right, I guess what I'm saying is that I'm really happy with the work that I'm doing, everything is going well. I want to use facebook towards that end. In the past, I have played with format dropping vauge hints to what's going on in my head. That's just kind of conterproductive to where I'm at and where I am going. I've been out of work more or less for three months now because, well, the economy. Not for the lack of trying. Instead of crying over spilt milk, I have been building skills through volunteer work and next week I will have my first paying gig! It's amazing! My work with The EmeraldCoast Dream Factory is the most important thing in my life right now. I truely love and respect everyone involved, they are really great people. For all the stress, uncertainty, abandonment, and sadness I have been dealing with my in personal life and trying to feed myself life, Dream Factory has provided me with a way to face and overcome my fears through creation. Our work with making films, producing projects, helping others by hosting workshops is the most inspiring thing I ever been apart of. So when I say, "I don't know what today is going to bring...", I am saying I am ready to face anything with a clear and open mind because I posses the self-respect and confidence to do what is right.

Changes. On Letting moving go.

 One

posseses a profoundly
heathy                                                 level of
self-respect

when they have
no


need                                                  of



r
e
s
p
e
c
t
                                                                from others.

Trust overcomes doubt.

From the "I Don't Believe You" 7". This is my favorite MF release. The sentiment is dark, but it's sooooo heady and spacious, I can't relate to the lyrics. It's like the sound of floating through deep space, duder.

Part II:  12.02.11
In retrospect, I did believe I was being lied to.  I could totally relate to the lyrics, duh.  I mistakenly believed that truth was in itself, a lie. I allowed my insecurities to overtake trust.  Insecurity perverts, corrupts, and eventually aborts Love.  I must not forget THIS truth. 

Handbill images I've made with Photoshop

Forgiving the unforgivable--JDerrida

In a 2004 talk at the European Gradate School, Derrida again discusses "forgiveness" - for him "pure forgiveness" can only be given by a "singular, irreplaceable person" to another singularity (it cannot emanate from a government) and involves two possibilities: forgiving the person who wronged another or forgiving that person's wrongful acts ... pure forgiveness concerns our ability to forgive the other even when that individual has not repented, asked for forgiveness or acknowledged responsibility - Derrida calls this type of forgiveness "impossible" - but, the only forgiveness "worthy of the name" ... customary (or conditional) forgiving, involving exchange - that the other, for example, acknowledges wrongdoing - is not true forgiveness ... for Derrida, we must "forgive the unforgivable" - we have to allow the (that) "other" in me, not my usual self governed by reciprocity, to actually bestow proper forgiveness ...

My friend Margaret recomended this to me...My mind is blown.

A morning conversation.

Today, I shared a conversation about what seperates human beings from the rest of the animal world. Lauren, began the discussioin this way:  Both humans and primates use tools to fullfill their wants, needs, and desires.  If the primate's tool doesn't work, he will become frustated and overreact to the situation.  A human may feel the same frustration, emotionally, but they have the capability to conceive a new idea or combine tools to rationally tackle the situation at hand.  They innovate to meet the challenges of everyday life...

This is the point where humans overcome the the base struggle for survival.  They have the ability to create complex systems to acheive the satisfaction of their personal needs and desires.  "I may get something that I need from multiple sources to satisfy my overall desires."

I feel that it is important to note, one must be sensitive to the components of their "personal solution", especially if these sources are other human beings because these other people have their own needs and desires.

Which leds us to the next tier:  Once a person has not only personal stability achieved through their construct, but also posseses an awareness of others, feeling empathy, i.e. handling their tools with care or understanding and respecting the drives, needs, and desires of others, this individual can move further away from their selfish needs.  One can begin to figure out where they fit in the world around them.  Bigger than one's self, type thinking.  This is the firm foundation of which quality relationships between people thrive.

I added, that the next level of thought is once the individual, the couple, or the group have satisfied their emotional and practacle needs that this entitiy is free to look past self interest all together.  Insecurity is banished, negated even, by a positive stable enviroment built on mutual trust and respect.  I believe this is Love in practice.  This is when the really great ideas  develope.  The ideas which can change the world.  By helping others unconnected to the entity without any underlying selfish drive, suffering and dissonance in the world is reduced.  Pure altruism not dictated by doctrine...

That's as far as the conversation went, but I will never forget it.    

The Return Of The Rentals

(I don't think
I'll find the love I want
The love I'm searching for
In this machine, no)

The systems failed,
All the circuits blown,
And the message lost
In this machine

Tried all the codes,
All possibilities,
All combinations, but
Still nothing, no

Called for backup
From my assistants but
No one seems to know
Anything, no

Disconnect,
Shut the main reactor down,
And separate from this
Technology, oh

I tried,
You know I tried,
I tried
Hard as it may be I know you should be with me
Even though it seems it's all lies
I still believe
You should be with me

I don't think
I'll find the love I want
The love I'm searching for
In this machine, no

I tried,
You know I tried,
I tried
Hard as it may be I know you should be with me
Even though it seems it's all lies
I still believe
You should be with me

I tried,
You know I tried,
I tried
Hard as it may be I know you should be with me
Even though it seems it's all lies
I still believe
You should be with me

Even though it seems it's all lies
I still believe
You should be...

Taking Shock.

I walk down the steps to my backyard.  It's my birthday and Ol' Nick's party bellows in the background.  I'm 33 today.  Wow, I can't believe it--I feel twenty five, look like I'm 26, and I have acheived some modicum of stability:  I have a sweet yet demanding job at local restaurant working 24 hours a week pulling roughly $500.00 dollars on the check every Friday morning.  I love my bedroom and the girl that completes it.  

Then the phone rings...

"I'm sorry Christian, but you guys have to move out."

LET THE FUCKING DOWNWARD SPIRAL GAMES BEGIN!!!...

Revised.